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When I first started dancing, one piece of advice got repeated over and over again:
“Talk to every customer at the strip club.”
So I did.
Every man that walked through the door became another opportunity. Another rejection. Another awkward conversation. Another lap around the club trying to convince someone who had already decided he wasn’t interested.
I thought I wasn’t working hard enough.
Looking back, I wasn’t making more money. I was just exhausting myself and growing more irritated with every shift.
Why New Dancers Are Told to Talk to Every Customer
It’s not bad advice but it’s not forever advice.
This advice exists because beginners haven’t learned to identify different customer types yet. Talking to every customer when you’re starting off with stripping helps you get comfortable with talking to strangers. It allows you to practice conversation and how it flows. You learn rejection by knowing what to say to turn that “no” into “yes”. Rejection begins to have little to no power over your emotions. Plus, you build confidence within yourself and the words you say. When you sound confident in naming the price and on what you sell, customers are less likely to try and take control of the conversation and advantage of you.
The Problem With Chasing Everyone
When I started out exotic dancing, I was nervous and would miss out on money by conjuring up a preconception in my head about myself. I’d often think, “What if I am not his type.” However, I quickly learned that in order to make money and not sink in this industry, I had to get comfortable with approaching and conversing with strangers.
That’s a hard ask for an introvert.
Money is a strong motivator therefore, it did not take long for me to step out of my comfort zone and begin approaching everyone I could sit my butt on. I thought I was doing the right thing, and was proud of myself for talking to everyone I could.
In reality I was consistently met with:
“No.”
“I’m good.”
“Maybe later.”
“I’m waiting for someone.”
“I don’t get dances.”
“Only one song. ($25)”
“Can you give me a dance for *lower price than quoted.*”
Eventually you start believing nobody wants you.
When really…
you just approached forty people who were never going to buy in the first place.
You’re working twice as hard to make less than half the money other dancers who don’t approach everyone do. And with your boundaries being consistently violated too. It begins to fuel an anger within you mixed with sadness. By the end of your shift, you’re exhausted. You know that you deserve way more money than what you’ve earned for the work you put in. For being vulnerable.
Every rejection chips away at your confidence and confidence matters in this industry. Protect it.
Desperation Is Easy to Spot
Customers watch you. When I shifted how I operate inside the club and began securing dances with ease, customers noticed. They’d comment along the lines of, “You’re so busy/popular I have to snatch you before someone else does.”
Customers know when you’re lap hopping from guy to guy, coming back to the same customer five times hoping they’ll finally agree, sitting with someone for too long thinking a sale is bound to happen since you’re giving them all this undivided attention.
Men. Don’t. Care. They will take advantage of having your company for free without having the commitment of spending money. The longer you sit with them, the more time they have to talk themselves out of spending. Their hands love to wander as they desperately try to get their fix without giving you money for your precious time.
People feel and see the desperation. It rarely sells. Confidence sells. Boundaries sell. Operating from the mindset of “you snooze, you lose out on me” sells. You’re creating FOMO for them, not you.
I Started Choosing Instead
Rather than of operating from, “I hope someone picks me.” It became, “I’m choosing who deserves my attention.” I adore this mindset shift.
When you take a moment to intentionally scan the room you are able to discern who is worth your time. You take notice of eye contact, body language, smiling, watching the stage, making room beside them, spending on other dancers, relaxed demeanor. Not just open laps.
Remember that the strip club is your territory. They are there to see you. You are not interrupting their evening. You are part of the experience they paid to walk into. You get to choose who is worthy of your time and attention, you don’t have to give these to everyone you come across.
When you become more exclusive people want you more. And they know exactly what they have to do to get you.
Every Conversation Has an Opportunity Cost
The most expensive mistake you can make is staying too long with a customer before pitching your sale.
Customers know whether they want you or not a few seconds in. That’s why it’s good practice to approach with confident body language and stand out with the first words that leave your mouth. All night they hear some variation of, “Hi, how are you? Do you want a dance.”
If you’re new to the industry I created a 50 page guide on how to approach customers, pitch a sale, and upsell. The beginner stripper guide walks you through what to expect when starting out in the strip club. And helps you identify customer types.
If you spend 20 minutes trying to convince someone to get a VIP with you… That’s 20 minutes you’re unavailable to someone else who is ready to spend on you.
In those 20 minutes that did not result in a sale or rejection tip you lost out on:
- A whale
- Your regular
- Someone actually interested
This is why it is exponentially important to sit with customers for 3-5 minutes maximum. Sure, some may take a little longer to bite the bait but a majority know the answer right off the bat. Your time is, quite literally, money. Every extra minute you spend hoping someone changes their mind is another minute you aren’t available for the customer who already knows they want you.
Boundaries Are Part of Your Brand
When you chase everyone who walks through those doors you accidentally teach customers that your attention is free.
When you become selective, your attention and presence gain value.
People naturally become curious. So much so that customers may start approaching you instead. This isn’t to say you should solely rely on people approaching you for a dance.
Being intentional about who gets your energy makes customers feel chosen instead of chased.
How I Implement This Mindset In My Hustle
I slowly walk the room and let my presence be known. It sounds silly but I walk with my back straight, shoulders back, and sway my hips. I make eye contact with the patrons even if they don’t meet mine and I smile. Smiling is the second biggest seller.
I read their body language and approach intentionally. I’m not always accurate, as there are times someone gives me all the right signs and still says no.
Some nights I only approach five or six people.
Other nights I might approach twenty.
It all depends on who’s in the room that night.
Hustling isn’t about forcing the same strategy every shift. It’s about adapting to the room you’re standing in.
I never sit on customers laps out on the floor anymore. Sit beside them instead or crouch in front of them unless absolutely necessary. No money, no honey. Not sitting on a customer initially creates an unspoken boundary and curiosity. Typically, the cheap customers try and make a fuss about it as they don’t get to have you physically on them to touch for free.
If someone isn’t interested after I’ve attempted to turn that initial rejection into a sale, I leave politely. I don’t beg, I don’t argue, I don’t take it personally. That is my power and they don’t get to have control over me.
Sometimes leaving politely lands me a sale with them later when they realize they’ve made a mistake in rejecting me.
Rejection is a part of this job. Learn to be comfortable with it and move on without lingering on it. Even the most beautiful women who make money with ease get rejected.
The Irony In Being Selective
For a job that requires socializing and social skills, ironically I probably speak to fewer people now than when I started.
Yet my conversations are more genuine, more profitable, and shorter. Because they’re happening with people who actually wanted to pay for my time.
Running Laps Around the Club Does Not Equal Hustling
These skills don’t come overnight but the sooner you implement them and become confident, the easier money flows and you attract good customers.
There are absolutely nights when talking to more people makes sense. I’m not saying ignore half the room. I’m saying don’t confuse activity with productivity.
Running laps around the club doesn’t always equal hustling.
Sometimes it’s just fear disguised as productivity.
The goal isn’t to talk to the most customers.
The goal is to spend your time with the right customers.
Once I understood that, dancing became less exhausting, my boundaries became stronger, and making money felt a lot more natural.
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